Q: How to accept advice from people who have no clue?

A: Do it with grace or don’t ask at all.
Or is it just understanding, compassion that you want?
I rarely ask for advice anywhere these days because, perhaps arrogantly, I find that I’m not going to see anything I haven’t seen before. Yet I still have the urge to ask. Maybe because I’m lonely either via social circumstance or the rarity of my personal situation. So I was thinking, how can one ask for advice and not be irritated by unhelpful suggestions? Well you can’t. Oh, I’m sure you can manage not to be irritated, but the unhelpful suggestions are still going to happen. So what are your options then? You can ask and know you are unlikely to get anything helpful other than vague support, or you can not ask. Pretty much that’s it.  I asked a question somewhere the other day and was pleasantly surprised that one person had something novel to offer. So there’s always that chance.
It is important to recognize that people mean well. Generally. Of course once you open yourself up by asking you do also open yourself up to those who will not understand, who will be critical, who will disbelieve. I find those to be risks I am no longer willing to take.

I suppose on that note I should say I’m going to limit the commenting and be removing some of my posts from the history. I naively hadn’t realized that my personal birthing challenges would end up being controversial and worthy of unwanted lecturing. So, while I felt my birthing issues were tangential to both my breastfeeding challenges and breastfeeding challenges in general,  I’ll keep that sort of thing off of here in the future. I’m less than two weeks out from my due date and I don’t have the time, interest or energy to deal with commenters with their own agenda who seek to educate me in the error of my ways. Or whom will use scare tactics such as the impending death of my baby to influence me or spread their message. While my posts are public I didn’t ask to be berated, nor for anecdotes supporting whatever poorly conceived point such a  person is trying to make. Those who have read the blog have probably noted that I do cite things and even when I don’t many of my points are supported in some way. What I haven’t made a point of emphasizing is that I don’t set out to use research in a lawyer-like manner. That is I do not use it solely to support a point unless there is a larger body of evidence that my citation happens to be a good example of.

I was planning to highlight a few things over the next few weeks. Colostrum collection, however, is not going well. Sure it’s there, but I’m not producing enough to collect and freeze. I say that because the droplets I do get aren’t enough to reliably suck up and when they are they get stuck in my 1ml syringes and don’t go into the body of the syringe. So I’ve decided to save my syringes for postpartum.  I might still write up some lactation supporting postpartum recipes I developed, how I feel about my preparative measures, and maybe in 5-6 weeks some progress on if I do have to fly to get my baby some surgery, or if things are unexpectedly going well.

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1 Comment

  1. Clearly I spaced out on your pregnancy progression, I had no idea you were so close. I know it doesn’t mean much, but if we were nearby I would totally bring you food and do some chores for you when you’re ready for visitors. I’d probably still send you stuff if shipping wasn’t insane. I hope you take extra good care of yourself during this time and that you have good things to share in the coming months. (Lots and lots of happy thoughts)


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